...AND FINALLY! (#211)

My very first DISCODAMAGED contribution, from November 2001:

"MARTINS MARCH ROUND THE CLUBS

"Damaged isn’t known at all for it’s coverage of the likes of Fruit Machine at Heaven but Martin here emailed us so we asked him to tell us what we’re missing: -

"I've been giving the London club scene a go for the first time in years recently, and have tried a dozen or so clubs during the past four weeks (five clubs in a row last week), to find some good venues for the winter. Aside from Factor 25 which has gone as quickly as I'd found it, UP! and Factory was the only places, which really grabbed me by the bollocks (musically) and threw me onto the dancefloor.

"Just don't get me started on Love Muscle. I went there for the first time in seven years and found it to be a complete and utter con. £13 to get in? A trip round the building to get to the hidden coat check, and then pay double prices to put things away! Shite music at the start (it got progressively better as the night wore on, or maybe the drugs blotted it out)... AND overpriced drinks! Whether you like them or not, Heaven, G-A-Y, Factor 25, Factory, Sound on Sunday, Fruit Machine, Popcorn, Sound, Ooh La Rouge, Vauxhall Tavern, RHC and Up! have all provided better value for money in recent weeks, and usually a good night out too. Even Trade is cheaper to get in to!

"Fruit Machine: There are two draws for me, the ability to get in for just a quid before 11.30 (best to aim to be there by 10.45/11.00 if you want to miss the queues and full £6 entry), and seeing Gordon John DJing... more on Gordon later.

"Those are the draws, but if the crowd stank, or the music was shite (or vice-versa), then even a cheap queen like me wouldn't want to go back there in a hurry. My bag's dancing, pure and simple. A shag's easy to get, and there are cheaper ways of getting one than going to a club (not that it's not an easy way of meeting someone), so if I can't dance at a club, I wouldn't recommend it.

"(DD also points out that Heaven fails our basic pre-requisite for being able to do a multitude of sins in a toilet cubicle / dark recess and security merit extreme caution on all levels)

"From the moment you walk into Heaven on a Wednesday night, Gordon John's style (more than just the mixing, it's the man's presentation), lifts you. Very much influenced by his residency at Amnesia's La Troya Asesina in Ibiza in Y2K, Gordon plays the opening set on the dancefloor, a mixture of commercial and funky house... guaranteed floor-fillers, basically, but what sets it aside is watching the number one podium dancer in the club... Gordon himself! Rarely do you get to see a DJ having quite so much fun and interacting with the punters. Don't take my word for it, go watch him yourself. The fact that's he's gorgeous to boot doesn't hurt, but first and foremost, the man knows his music, his crowd, and his mixing.

"The show this week (Wednesday, 7th November 2001) was... the show was fine. The girls work hard for their money, and it 's fun for the first couple of numbers, but tends to drag (hey, a pun!). The only question is, who the fuck are the boys on the sofa? They obviously love themselves, but please... why? If they were any less talented, they'd be a boy-band. Leave the shows to the drag queens and the go-go boys. Fortunately, it's a good chance to wander round the club, check out the other two dance-floors, get a drink, have a wazz, and still get back in time to clap the end of the show!

"After the show had finished, Dave Rosen kept the floor filled (despite it being a relatively quiet night at FM, especially after last weeks capacity crowd), and fans of Garage packed the Star Bar.

"So, a review... Water's £2, coat-check's £1, entry can be £1 as well, before 11.30pm. The music's good, the floors are packed, and there's a surprising mix of men in the club, from bears and skins, to drag and dollies. Possibly the gayest night at Heaven (even more so than the last time I went on a Saturday, and much more than Fridays), and worth going if you haven't been for a while, or have preconceived notions based on its publicity..."